[Solved] to me from me a letter to myself as a future parent

Adolescents is a transitional stage from childhood to adulthood. During this time a child will be experiencing many different changes to their physical as well as psychological development and can start as early as nine years old (Santrock, 2016). As a result to the amount of change many adolescents struggle with altercations, autonomy, and increased optimism. Piaget would descried this as the time of egocentrism where a child is focused on themselves to the extension of others by using personal fables, invincibility fable, and imaginary audience (Villarreal, 2017). No one said parenting would be an easy task or a walk in the park in reality it is a tough time not only for the child but as well as a parent. I was lucky to have both a mother and a father growing up who took very good care of me and my brothers. A strong support system is important to have while growing up to be able to support your child’s needs. Hall’s concept that adolescence is a turbulent time charged with conflict and mood swings he would define this as “Storm and stress” view of adolescents (Santrock, 2016). I fell as though the way my parents raised me will have a big effect on how I raise my children and well use many tools they used to raise us. I am hopeful that I can be as helpful as my parents when raising my children. After taking this class I have a better understanding the importance of the stage of adolescents and how things are changing: growth spurts, sexual maturation, health, and how: evolution, heredity and the environment can all have an effect on the child and how he matures (Villarreal, 2017).

Parenting is not easy and I expect myself to make mistakes thought the way. The important thing is to learn from your mistakes so you don’t make the same mistake twice. While growing up my parents were at work from nine to five making me a latchkey child. The book defines this as those who are left unsupervised after school because parents are away from home or at work and extended family is not available to care for them; These children are subject to a higher rate of accidents and are at risk of feeling isolated and alone (Santrock, 2016). This was no problem for me because I played sports year around and was usually not home till they got home. I never felt alone due to the fact of always having teammates and allowed me to connect to thoughts who are similar to me. I believe it is very important to be in extracurricular activity’s due to the fact it allows children to explore and find out who they are which is important during adolescents. This relates to Vygotsky’s social cultural theory of cognitive development that emphasizes how culture and social interaction guide cognitive development (Santrock, 2016). By allowing my child to get out and experience more social interaction will allow him to better communicate with others. As an end result if he or she can’t talk to me at least they will have a friend they can go to with their problem. During this time adolescents will look to peers for help due to the fact that positive friendships are an important part of the journey to adulthood. They help adolescents learn important social and emotional skills, like being sensitive to other people’s thoughts, feelings and wellbeing (Santrock, 2016).

I believe that I will be more of an authoritarian parent. This will provide structure and rules for a well-structured way to raise a child and is also the most common parenting style today. This will allow me to push my child to their goals and have high expectations but be there for my child when he needs me. The book states that this parenting style provide very little in the way of feedback and nurturance (Santrock, 2016). To change this I will not be too harsh on punishment which will allow for a heathier relationship so he or she is not scared to open up to me about issues. When feedback does occur, I will try to be as positive but still let them know they are in the wrong. I will try to avoid yelling but believe the use of corporal punishments a strong way to punish a child resulting in acceptance of my judgements, values and goals for the child (Villarreal, 2017). I do not want to make my child scared of me and want to be emotionally there for them as well.

The next domain I want to focus on is moral development this is defined by changes to an individual’s understanding of what constitutes right and wrong (Santrock, 2016). This is important during this time because adolescents are starting to be more independent, accepting responsibility, and financially independent (Arnett, 2007). This is important due to the fact adolescents are experimenting with different adult tasks such as: drinking, voting, driving, criminal law and medical decisions. To be able to make decisions like this one must be mature. By using Kohlberg’s theory of moral development I believe I can prepare my child to make these tough decisions. Kohlberg’s theory was not direct parallel of Piaget’s stages of cognitive development but was inspired by him. His theory consists of 6 stages separated into 3 levels: Pre-conventional, conventional, Post conventional (Santrock, 2016). All three levels are learned from infancy to adulthood. In the pre conventional level, children are only interested in securing their own benefit and is their idea of morality (Santrock, 2016). This will allow the child to quickly learner that may secure to benefit by pleasing others. The conventional level is the stage at which children learn about rules and authority. They learn that there are certain “conventions” that govern how they should and should not behave, and learn to obey them. This level is split into two stages: First stage: Children are interested in pleasing others and securing the favor of others. Second stage: Children extend the principle to cover the whole of their society, believing that morality is what keeps the social order intact (Santrock, 2016). This is one of the most important parts of growing up and understanding that sometimes you have to please others for your own befit. The last level is post-conventional, where children have learned that there is a difference between what is right and wrong from a moral perspective, and what is right and wrong according to the rules. Although they often overlap, there are still times when breaking a rule is the right thing to do (Santrock, 2016). By teaching this to my children they will understand what is right and wrong but knowing sometime you may have to break the moral rules if needed in only certain situations.

The last domain I want to focus on is family relations. This is due to the fact I do not get along with my mother’s side of the family due to how different we are. I’m not blaming it on them because I am a part of it to. I believe this is just due to the fact we don’t have much in common and we relay just don’t know how to talk to one another. By having a good relationship this will allow you to be able to share thoughts and feeling on how you feel (Villarreal, 2017). Thus allowing you to have stronger relationships with not only family but other relationships as well. A way I will do this is spend more time with other family members not just for holidays but do extracurricular activities where the whole family can attend. Another important relationship to have is with you mother and father as a child I was lucky enough to have both. I would like to take after them by taking time out of my day to focus on them this will allow for a stronger connecting with my child allowing my child to feel wanted and loved. A main trait I would like to teach my child is trust, without trusting one another it is impossible to have a healthy relationship which can effect relationships in many different ways.

In conclusion I know it will not be easy to raise a child. I may fall down at some points but the important thing is that I get back up and fix my mistakes to show a good example that it is ok to make mistakes. We will often butt heads with one another which is ok due to the fact that he will have friends to turn to and help him if I cannot. By teaching my child at a young age that building health relationships is important will allow my child to better understand how to handle situations taking into account for others. Also, by being an authoritarian parent I push my child to be the best he or she can be while still be available for my child. I expect to be similar to my parents due to the fact of our strong relationships and hope to raise my child as strong as I am. I hope to be able to raise an independent, confident, and strong adolescent, while supporting family values, morals and decision making.

References

  1. Arnett, J. J. (2004). Adolescence and emerging adulthood: A cultural approach. Upper Saddle River, N.J: Pearson Prentice Hall.
  2. Santrock, J. W. (2016). Adolescence (16th ed.). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill Education.
  3. Villarreal, B. (2017). Families and relationships with parents. Personal Collection of B. Villarreal, Humboldt State University, Arcata CA.
  4. Villarreal, B. (2017). Moral development. Personal Collection of B. Villarreal, Humboldt State 0 University, Arcata CA.

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