Two big issues: 1) What is your thesis? This isn’t clear. You are writing on causes and effects of teenage depression – but to what end? For what purpose? You say that the there are multiple causes and effects . . . but I could have guess as much before I ever read this. What am I supposed to make of this – that teenage depression is unavoidable? That is avoidable? That its the parents fault? That it can be treated? And so forth – what do you want me to take away from this?
2) Your sentence structure is in need of a close proofread. I do not think you looked closely at this before you sent it to me. . there are several places where I simply am not sure what you are saying. So please go over this carefully and ensure complete sentences!